I saw Some bad news from the Orang-U producers today on Twitter. our thoughts are with you Matt
Taken from the book (Creative Commons)
Orang-U: The Pilot
This an episode of the Orang-U show that appears in the middle of the episode. It explores a different version of the movie.
In the TV show, JAMES is an Orangutan at college but everyone is okay with it. SCOTT is also at college and in classes with JAMES. The character of JUNE is called JENNIFER and is SCOTT’s girlfriend from the very start. There is another girl, called BECKY who is a nerd who likes JAMES but SCOTT relentlessly mocks her. There’s also a guy called DUSTIN who is English and gross, he lives across the hall from SCOTT and JAMES and isn’t a student. THE PROFESSOR is a fun guy a la Mr. Belding.
All writing and producer credits are fictitious. The piece is a satire of sitcoms and TV spin-offs of movies.
JAMES turns on the TV and sits down to watch. A commercial is running.
COMMERCIAL (v/o)
Tonight on Channel 7, GARY
BLANKENFORK is a shapeshifting
crime fighter, in ASIAN CHRIST.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT. DAY
A man yelling in an Applebees.
ASIAN CHRIST
I JUST WANT TO PERSUE MY
INTEREST OF CERAMICS!
CUT TO:
INT. HOUSE. DAY
SCOTT
JAMES! Wake up!
JAMES is asleep. He is wearing
shades and a long fashionable
t-shirt.
SCOTT
You don't want to be late again!
THE PROFESSOR
said he'd kill me
if we're late again!
JAMES wakes up. Huge yawn.
Camera pans out to reveal their
apartment is a huge shithole.
SCOTT
(to camera)
Hi... my name is SCOTT, and
that's my best buddy
JAMES. We're juniors at
NEWTOWN College in
Boston.. things have been
pretty crazy for us since we
moved here from San
Francisco. Let me tell you
all about it.
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM. DAY
SCOTT and JAMES are brushing
their teeth.
SCOTT
See, I didn't want the typical
college experience... so I
brought my pet Orangutan,
JAMES. We live
together... excuse the mess!
(SCOTT laughs)
INTRO SEQUENCE with heavy rock
soundtrack
Based on the movie 'ORANG U 1:
An Ape Goes to College' by Matt
Lee, Ryan Dougherty
Based on characters created by
Matt Lee, Ryan Dougherty, Donald
Robertson and Steven DuBois
V/O
Billionaire maverick, SCOTT
PETERSON, heir to his father's
legacy and playboy lifestyle,
settling into a couple years
hard study at the world-renowed
NEWTOWN College, in
Boston. SCOTT plays hard and
studies hard and spends hard and
drinks hard and can bench like
200 lbs, bro.
INT. CLASSROOM. DAY
PROFESSOR
Mr. PETERSON, perhaps
you can tell me: what are the
properties of a mammal that make
it distinctly mammalian?
SCOTT
is asleep.
STUDENT
SCOTT! (he nudges
SCOTT)
SCOTT
wakes up.
SCOTT
Er.. what?
Everybody laughs.
THE PROFESSOR
Thanks to
MR. PETERSON here, we're going
to have a test tomorrow.
Class groans.
SCOTT
I thought this was English
class! Aw, geez.
THE PROFESSOR
You didn't have
any plans tonight, did you,
SCOTT?
SCOTT
Plans? No.
CUT TO:
INT. BAR. NIGHT
JAMES is dancing on the bar
playing a saxaphone.
DUSTIN
Hey JAMES -- get
down.... and help me finish this
level!
DUSTIN
is playing a NINTENDO
game (Mickey's Adventures in
Numberland)
JAMES
(dubbed)
Sure, why not?
JAMES grabs the controller,
causing the game to freeze on
Black Pluto.
DUSTIN
Aw, geez.
(A fax machine clicks on. A fax
arrives.)
Get that for me, JAMES!
JAMES grabs the fax and brings
it over.
The fax says "EFFECTIVE
IMMEDIATELY, ALL APES ARE BANNED
FROM CAMPUS. SIGNED, ADAM TROPE,
THE DEAN OF LEARNING."
DUSTIN
Aw, geez... SCOTT... you'd better
see this!
SCOTT
Damnit. It's probably the
parties, guys!
DUSTIN
Maybe we should only go
out every *other* night?
SCOTT
Nah, we just need to be
smart about it. DUSTIN, can you
get us some coffee?
DUSTIN
Sure thing boss.
SCOTT
I have to finish this
stupid paper. If I flunk this
test tomorrow, I don't know what
I can do.
JENNIFER enters.
JENNIFER
Same thing you always
do, SCOTT -- pay some nerd to do
it for you!
SCOTT
Good point. Let me call
that nerd chick in my math
class.
JENNIFER acts jealous.
DUSTIN
BECKY? Get her over
here...
SCOTT
No way!
DUSTIN
Free drinks! (Dustin
smells his armpit) Eww. (He
goes to wash)
SCOTT
Ugh. Okay.
CUT TO:
INT. BAR. LATER
BECKY
(sips a beer) So, finally
SCOTT
PETERSON needs me, eh?
SCOTT
Right, sure.
BECKY
You're such a dick to me,
like all the time. I'm only
doing this because of DUSTIN,
and well... JAMES. (She smiles
at JAMES)
JAMES OK.
SCOTT
OK (points at JAMES) -- I
need to understand this stupid
science stuff.
BECKY
Well, first of all --
it's not stupid. It's just
science. It's easy.
CUT TO:
SCIENCE MONTAGE
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT. EARLY MORNING.
SCOTT
and BECKY wake up on the
couch.
BECKY
Ugh.
SCOTT
Oh wow. Awkward.
BECKY
You're telling me!
DUSTIN
appears from under a
blanket on the chair
DUSTIN
Don't worry, nothing
happened. You passed out from
learning, JAMES and I didn't
want to disturb you.
BECKY
JAMES! Where is he?
DUSTIN
Oh, he went in
early. He's working on a new
art project.
INT. COLLEGE. MORNING
JAMES is working on an art
project, a quick flash of
orange is seen. He is grabbed
by security and thrown out of
the school.
INT. COLLEGE. MORNING
SCOTT
is about to take his
test.
PROFESSOR Thank you all for
getting here so early. Mr
PETERSON, I am very happy to
see you looking so well
rested. Let's hope you didn't
just sleep all night in some
disgusting bar and actually
spent some time studying for
this test. There are 45
questions, you have one
hour. Good luck.
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT. DAY
BECKY
and DUSTIN are playing
video games.
DUSTIN
I don't really see why
you hate SCOTT.
BECKY
You don't see it at all?
He's just a rich kid and a
tool.
DUSTIN
I like him!
BECKY
You like him because he
lets you hang out and eat his
food and play all his video
games...
DUSTIN
Well, yeah. Duh.
BECKY
Fair enough. He does
have a lot of video games.
DUSTIN
You're not worried
about JENNIFER getting jealous
of you?
BECKY
I like JAMES, and well,
you're alright. I don't have
any aspirations on SCOTT
PETERSON, she's welcome to
him. Pity the fool.
DUSTIN
Wanna watch The A-Team
and eat nachos?
BECKY
Fuck yes.
DUSTIN
Actually, we can't say
fuck here...
BECKY
In SCOTT's apartment?
DUSTIN
No, on network TV.
BECKY
Sorry, I was
mistaken. Shall we take an
ad-break to make up for it?
DUSTIN
Yes, keep the sponsors
happy.
AD BREAK
(A regular looking ad comes
on, but is quickly changed to
another channel)
V/O
In the cold dark streets
of Boston, exists a special
department of the police
force. Solving the crimes that
nobody wants to solve... this
is ALTOIDS LAW.
INT. POLICE STATION. EVENING
DETECTIVE CURTIS and CHIEF
WILSON are talking.
WILSON
Rough night, huh?
CURTIS
I'll say. Crime
everywhere. Another tennis
player slain. I just don't
understand it. Why would a
serial killer attack tennis
players?
WILSON
Somethings are just
meant to never be understood.
Another detective enters.
MORRIS
Sir, a call just came
in. You'd better get down to
the warehouse district
immediately.
WILSON
Murder?
MORRIS
Afraid so.
WILSON
Okay, CURTIS, you come
with me... oh and MORRIS,
you'd better get me another
can, this one's almost
dry. (Shakes can)
EXT. WAREHOUSE DISTRICT. EVENING.
DET. CURTIS and CHIEF WILSON
show up. A detective is
waiting for them.
CURTIS
Looks like the medical
guys already got here and
removed the body!
A 'chalk' outline of a man is
on the ground, made of
ALTOIDS.
They approach the detective,
who is sucking on an Altoid.
WILSON
(crunching on Altoids)
What we got here?
SUMNER
John Doe. mid 40s. No
ID on him.
CURTIS
Crap.
CURTIS checks his pockets for
Altoids, he doesn't have
any. WILSON notices and opens
a can, offers them to him. He
takes a lot, throws them all
into his mouth at once. Nobody
mentions it or refers to
it. The conversation
continues.
WILSON
(still crunching)
Okay, get me an APB out. Seal off
the block, start talking to
anyone who may have been
something.
SUMNER
Yeah, just one witness
we found so far. The lady who
called it in. She runs the
kiosk
CURTIS
Okay, let's talk to
her.
WILSON and CURTIS walk over to
the kiosk.
CUT TO:
JAMES clicks back to Orang-U
in the middle of a
conversation
INT. BAR. DAY
SCOTT is talking, we come back
in the very end of his
passionate speech
SCOTT
...and they blame JAMES,
apparently.
JENNIFER
It doesn't make any
sense at all whatsoever. JAMES
is a star pupil.
BECKY
JAMES is one of the best
students at NEWTOWN!
DUSTIN
We need to do
something, we can't let JAMES
down... by the way, where is
he? He should be here by
now...
CUT TO:
JAMES is dancing on the bar
playing a saxaphone.
DUSTIN
Oh, there he is.
SCOTT
We need a plan, a plan
to get back at the college.
BECKY
Didn't your dad buy them
a building or something? Maybe
you can just pay them to go
away.
SCOTT
Firstly, my dad is dead,
and the building was a
memorial to him. And secondly,
I am not my father, and I
don't buy my way out of
problems -- even if I had the
money, which I don't.
JENNIFER
What is she even
doing here anyway?!
DUSTIN
She's my friend, and a
friend of JAMES... and she
helped SCOTT here pass his
zoology exam and stay in
school.
SCOTT
Yeah, she's
okay... besides, we need all
the help we can get if we're
going to convince the DEAN
that JAMES is okay.
JENNIFER
Well, what can *I* do?
DUSTIN
We need you to get the
news on the airwaves! You're
still the most popular show on
WNTN, the student radio
station right?
CUT TO:
INT. RADIO STATION. NIGHT
A song is fading out.
JENNIFER
That was GROTBAGS
with DREAMING ABOUT
CAMBRIDGE. Up next, we're
going to blow the roof off a
huge scandal that's breaking
over at NEWTOWN. Many of you
will have heard the news that
in the last few days, all apes
have been banned from
campus. This comes as a shock
to many, who were friends to
students such as JAMES
PETERSON who is now unable to
attend classes and is forced
to survive purely from the
money from his saxophone
shows. Joining us live in the
studio are DUSTIN JONES and
BECKY
WILLIAMS, two close
friends of JAMES PETERSON, and
to state the case of NEWTOWN,
we have the DEAN OF LEARNING,
ADAM TROPE. DEAN TROPE,
perhaps you can start by
telling us a little about the
ban?
TROPE
Certainly, JENNIFER, and
can I just say how pleased I
am that we're having this
discussion right here on WNTN?
As a young jock myself back in
the 60s, I think student radio
is a vital resource for
college students. But on to
the matter at hand... you will
no doubt be aware that NEWTOWN
prides itself on being a
campus that has historically
been open to new ideas. When
JEFFERSON PETERSON passed and
his son SCOTT agreed to
attend, we agreed to certain
concessions, including the
admission of his pet
orangutan, JAMES. This opened
the gates to many students
enrolling with their own pet
apes, and now we have
something of an ape problem on
campus. The corridors are
overrun by gibbons... it's
like an ANIMAL HOUSE in here.
JENNIFER
Ape problem?
TROPE
In short, there have
been a series of thefts on
campus and we are reluctant to
believe that NEWTOWN students
would carry out these crimes.
DUSTIN
(cuts in) So, you're
just going to blame JAMES?
BECKY
That's completely
reactionary! Show us some
evidence linking a single ape
to any of these crimes!
TROPE
While I admit we have no
solid evidence on this, I have
to say that I find it hardly
surprising that you are all
leaping to his defence -- you
are of course, the best
friends of SCOTT PETERSON, are
you not? In fact, I believe
MS. O'CONNOR is romatically
involved with MR. PETERSON,
and MR. JONES works for
MR. PETERSON? I am
disappointed to see an honor
student such as MS. WILLIAMS
here though.
JENNIFER
(with her hand over
the microphone) You jerk! This
is not about my relationship.
TROPE
Further, I'd say that
this whole situation has been
little more than payola for
PETERSON and his ZOO-LU
company! And as you know,
that kind of thing cannot be
tolerated here on WNTN. It is
my unpleasant duty to say that
effectively immediately, this
show and your time here on
WNTN is over, JENNIFER.
JENNIFER
Noooooooo!
CUT TO:
INT. BAR. NIGHT
SCOTT
is in the bar listening
to the broadcast.
SCOTT
Aw, geez!
SCOTT slaps his head.
CUT TO:
AD BREAK
(A regular looking ad comes
on, but is quickly changed to
another channel by JAMES)
INT. OFFICE. DAY
MAN
The Slackjaw Five? Get out
of here!
Camera pulls out to reveal a
group of men dressed as
pirates carrying instruments.
JAMES changes the channel again.
INT. POLICE STATION. EVENING
An interrogation is
underway. There is a large
communal pile of ALTOIDS in
the middle of the table.
HOOK
So, let me get this
straight... you were just
'hanging out' in the warehouse
district?
PERP
That's right.
HOOK
Doing what, may I ask?
PERP
I was looking for Roy!
CURTIS
Roy who?
PERP
Roy Jenkins... the
badminton player.
HOOK (to CURTIS) Badminton?
CURTIS (to HOOK) You think
this Jenkins character is our
killer.. or our victim?
HOOK
Where's Jenkins now?
PERP
That's the thing, I went
to meet him, but he never
showed up.
CURTIS
And you never thought
to report this to the police?
PERP
Well, he goes missing a
lot. Badminton is a sport
cloaked in mystery.
HOOK
Well, that's certainly
true. But that's not much of
an alibi for you, is it?
PERP
I guess not.
HOOK
(on intercom)
Get someone
in here to lock this guy up.
HOOK
We'll keep you here
overnight, for your own
safety.
PERP grabs a handful of
ALTOIDS. HOOK grabs a bigger
handful. They both have a
'crunch off'.
PERP stands up and is led out
of the room. In the corridor
is a bench with a man dressed
as a dog sitting, eating a can
of ALTOIDS with a spoon.
CUT TO:
INT. BAR. DAY
SCOTT and DUSTIN are sitting
around. JAMES is drinking a
beer.
SCOTT
That was a total
disaster. Now with JENNIFER
off the airwaves, who is going
to get our message out there?
DUSTIN
What if we held a
contest, here at the bar?
SCOTT
What kind of contest?
DUSTIN
Like a jam
session. Invite a bunch of
local musicians to play with
JAMES?
SCOTT
Nah. But how about if
JAMES could find some way to
show how responsible he was?
DUSTIN
Right, but he can't go
to college... maybe he could
become a volunteer?
SCOTT
Volunteering is a great
way to showcase your skills
and abilities.
DUSTIN
A volunteer what
though? I think we can all
agree that he'd make a lousy
volunteer firefighter or
police officer.
CUT TO:
INT. BAR. DAY
JAMES is wearing an pair of
swimming trunks.
SCOTT
Volunteer what?
DUSTIN
Volunteer lifeguard.
SCOTT
And where will JAMES do
all of this volunteer
lifeguard work?
DUSTIN
At the er... beach?
SCOTT
The beach, right. Boston
is not really known for its
beaches.
DUSTIN
True.
SCOTT
What if we dress him up
like a human and sneak him
into college? Might work...
CUT TO:
EXT. COLLEGE. DAY
JAMES, SCOTT and DUSTIN are
thrown out of the building.
DUSTIN
What next?
SCOTT
I have an idea!
SCOTT huddles in to mumble to
JAMES and DUSTIN.
CUT TO:
INT. BAR. NIGHT
SCOTT is talking to the
group. JENNIFER and BECKY are
sitting together now, as
friends.
SCOTT
So that's the plan. What
do you think?
BECKY
I like it!
JENNIFER
I'm in too!
DUSTIN
You two seem
friendlier...
JENNIFER
Yeah, now I've been
cast out of my radio show, I
decided it was time to bury
the hatchet with BECKY.
BECKY
Yep, and I realized
we're not so different after
all... after all, we both
think SCOTT is annoying!
EVERYONE laughs.
JAMES stands up and walks over
to the piano. (There's a
piano)
SCOTT
I think we need more
than just us, we need an army!
DUSTIN
I'll recruit some of
the regulars from the bar.
BECKY
I can get all my science
friends to come!
JENNIFER
A lot of the radio
station guys want to help
too. They're fed up of the
DEAN.
JAMES hits all the keys at
once.
SCOTT
What is it JAMES? Do you
wa...
JAMES cuts him off.
JAMES
(v/o)
I JUST WANT TO
THANK YOU ALL.
BECKY
Aww!
BECKY
gets up and hugs JAMES.
SCOTT
So that's settled then?
Wednesday at 7am sharp.
CUT TO:
EXT. RIVER. DAY
SCOTT
So what's this?
DUSTIN
A helicopter.
SCOTT
And what's it for?
DUSTIN
Let me show you...
CUT TO:
INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. DAY
The helicopter enters via the
window. We see a small magnet
on the bottom and it collects
the keys from the desk.
CUT TO:
EXT. RIVER. DAY
SCOTT is amazed.
SCOTT
Wait, these are the keys
to the whole college?
DUSTIN
Uh-huh.
SCOTT
Amazing!
CUT TO:
INT. SCIENCE CLUB. NIGHT
BECKY
is preparing the gang.
BECKY
Is everything ready?
NERD 1
Yes, BECKY.
NERD 2
I have calculated the
exact trajectory for an
optimal landing.
BECKY
Perfect. And the other
thing?
NERD 1
Also taken care of.
BECKY
If we pull this off, you
guys won't have to worry about
anything for a while.
NERD 1
Great!
NERD 2
Great!
CUT TO:
INT. RADIO STATION. NIGHT
JENNIFER
is addressing the
jocks. (Disc jockeys)
JOCK 1
I just don't think we
have the power to broadcast at
that level.
JENNIFER
Isn't there something
you guys can do?
JOCK 2
We'd need to get into
the broadcast tower, and we
don't have that level of
access.
JENNIFER
What if I told you I
had the keys to every building
on campus?
JOCK 1
I'd say you were
lying. Only the DEAN has those
kind of keys, and he keeps
them safe in his office.
JENNIFER
And if I told you we
flew a helicopter through his
window?
JOCK 1
I'd say we can start
right away!
CUT TO:
INT. BAR. NIGHT.
DUSTIN is getting the supplies
ready.
SCOTT
Everything looking good?
DUSTIN
Things are all set.
SCOTT
Okay, tomorrow at 7.
DUSTIN
Tomorrow at 7.
CUT TO:
EXT. COLLEGE. DAY
It is early morning in NEWTOWN
COLLEGE. SCOTT, DUSTIN, BECKY
and JENNIFER are waiting
around near the college.
SCOTT
Okay, its time.
DUSTIN
Wow. Okay.
SCOTT
Not going to bail on me,
right dude?
DUSTIN
Not at all man.
BECKY
Where the hell are my
guys!?
JENNIFER
Here they come now...
In the distance, a swarm of
nerds, radio jocks, barflies
and artists can be seen. As
they approach, its clear there
are dozens of people.
CUT TO:
EXT. COLLEGE. DAY
SCOTT
is standing on a
podium. We see him from
behind.
SCOTT
Today we stand up for
the animals of NEWTOWN, today
we take a stand against
oppression!
The camera pans around to
reveal SCOTT has painted his
face like an orangutan. As the
camera pans out to the crowd,
everyone else has done the
same.
CUT TO:
INT. COLLEGE TALL
BUILDING. DAY
DEAN
(over radio)
Okay, get
ready. They're coming.
SNIPER
I see them.
DEAN
Do you see the orangutan?
SNIPER
Er.. they're all
orangutans!
DEAN
WHATTTTTT?!
CUT TO:
EXT. COLLEGE. DAY
SCOTT is front and center of
the mob
SCOTT
Have you seen JAMES?
DUSTIN
He went to collect his
art project...
CUT TO:
INT. TALL BUILDING. DAY
DEAN
(over radio)
I think I
just saw him enter the art
block.
SNIPER
Roger that.
CUT TO:
INT. RADIO STATION. DAY
JENNIFER is on the radio.
JENNIFER
This is JENNIFER
O'CONNOR, back with you on
WNTN. I'm happy to announce
that effective immediately, my
show is back on the air, and
broadcasting all over DEAN
TROPE's plans.
CUT TO:
INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. DAY
DEAN is on the radio.
DEAN
Hello? Hello!?
Damnit.. they must be blocking
the signal. Well, I'll not
settle for this...
The DEAN grabs his handgun and
charges out of his office.
CUT TO:
EXT. COLLEGE. DAY
DUSTIN
Hey SCOTT man... I just
got word from JENNIFER that
there's a SNIPER up there. Be
careful!
SCOTT
Where are BECKY and her
boys?!
BECKY
whistles across the
plaza.
BECKY
Okay guys, let them have
it!
Suddenly, dozens of bright
flashes scurry across the
plaza. Blinding to anyone
looking down from above.
CUT TO:
INT. TALL BUILDING. DAY
SNIPER is blinded by the
flashes.
SNIPER
AAAAAAAAAAA!
The SNIPER drops his gun and
falls back into the room.
CUT TO:
INT. ADMIN BUILDING. DAY
DEAN is ready to fire. He
spots JAMES.
DEAN
Enough is enough
JAMES... it's closing time at
the zoo!
He fires the gun.
CUT TO:
EXT. COLLEGE. DAY
JAMES is hit by gunfire, he
goes down and there is a lot
of blood.
SCOTT
Noooooooooo!!!!!!!
DUSTIN
Oh my god!
BECKY
JAAAAAAMESSSS!!!!
We see JAMES bloody and lying
in a heap.
SCOTT, DUSTIN and BECKY run
over, screaming.
SCOTT
Aw, geez!
SCOTT looks up to see the
DEAN, reloading, and then from
the corner of his eye, he sees
JAMES sneaking up behind the
dean with a saxophone. Before
he can do anything, JAMES
blasts the sax, causing the
DEAN to losing his footing,
slip and fall off the edge of
the building, and fall to his
death.
We see the DEAN lying in a
pile of blood and bones.
SCOTT flips the 'dead JAMES'
over and sees that it is a
model on a remote controlled
helicopter.
SCOTT points at JAMES, JAMES
points SCOTT.
CUT TO:
INT. BAR. NIGHT
Party Montage.
CUT TO:
INT. BAR. NIGHT
SCOTT
(to camera) That was a
pretty crazy adventure, eh?
Hey, where's JAMES?
JAMES is dancing on the bar
playing a saxaphone.
SCOTT, BECKY, DUSTIN and
JENNIFER are all laughing.
Shot of JAMES who gives a
THUMBS UP.
> THE END <
FADE TO BLACK. CREDITS.We see the credits for a moment, then the action cuts back to movie JAMES.
