Screwed And Chopped

Reasonably settled in their new apartment, the boys headed out looking for some food. They entered a nearby pizza joint.

All eyes turned on them. A group of three typical jocks stood off to one side. They each took turns to yell at Scott and James.

“Hey buddy… don’t spank your monkey!”

“Heh, nice one. YEAH, DON’T JERK OFF IN YOUR DAD’S HOUSE.”

“I AM VERY COMFORTABLE YELLING AT PEOPLE.”

Scott snapped. Quick as a flash, he yelled back.

“Ugh, you college kids are such fucking dicks. Sure, it sucks being 21 and attending college. Still, at least I can drink heavily and mask the lion’s share of my contempt.”

James, sensing something was up with Scott, looked up at him and began to point. Scott was unaware of James for a moment, as the pizza restaurant manager leaped over the counter and began to shove him out of the way.

“Hey… get your monkey out of my pizza place!”

Scott sighed. They left.

---

Back at the apartment, Scott turned to James and sighed. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

“I really don’t want to go to college. But I have to show I attended. What can we do, James? If I don’t go, you go back to Zoo-Lu!”

James shuddered. He knew what that really meant. Death.

Scott continued with his thoughts “Ha! If only I could just send you to college while I continue with my passion: electronics. If only!”

He paused. An idea was brewing.

“Hmmm. That just might work! Let me make a call.”

 

Transplant

Landing in Boston, Scott and James found themselves taking a taxi around town, trying to find a Realtor who would quickly rent them an apartment. Unfortunately for Scott, he had the money of the Zoo-Lu empire behind him, yet fortunately he was blissfully unaware of this fact and proceeded to rent a regular place anyway and pocket the money for now.

“Where to?” screamed the cab driver, seconds after dumping their bags in the trunk.

Scott looked on his phone.

“Take us to Savage Garden Realty.”

“You new in town?”

“You could say that. I’ve just moved here to attend Newtown College.”

“Oh good choice. The finest school in Boston! And your friend?”

“Oh, we’ll find something for him to do!” – Scott laughed, but he wondered what James would wind up doing for the next few years.

Later that day, as Scott and James looked at apartments, they realized nobody would rent a place to a man with a pet orangutan. James was forced to eventually dress up in a Groucho Marx mask for them to get an apartment.